Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. However, the way that you fight makes a significant difference in the quality of your relationships–as well as the way in which you resolve that conflict.
How to Fight Fair
Many psychologists, counselors, and pastors may have tips for you, but here are a few that come from Hey Sigmund.com to help you fight fair:
- Don’t fear conflict — avoiding conflict is very unhealthy!
- Attack the issue, not each other — remember you’re on the same team!
- Stay on the issue at hand — don’t bring up mistakes or sins of the past.
- Don’t confuse topics with the issue
- Don’t downplay the issue
- Don’t withdraw or chase
- Be open about what you need — your partner is not a mind reader
- Find the real emotion behind the anger
- Be attentive
- Don’t yell
- Stay away from “you never” and “you always”
- Be curious — ask questions and show you care about how your partner feels
- Remember that nobody is perfect — not your significant other and not you
- Apologize
- If you’re going around in circles, take a break
- Find the common ground
- Learn to compromise
- Don’t leave the fight unfinished
Remember the Importance of Forgiveness
If you have a fight, you need to make sure to forgive each other. Talk through your issue, but make sure that you both verbally say, “I’m sorry, I acknowledge your feelings. Will you forgive me?” Make sure that you forgive each other. If you need some time to cool down, tell your partner that you need a little space, but decide ahead of time that you will resume your conversation at a specific time.
More Resources
If you’re interested in learning more, here are few books for you to read more on this subject:
- Fight Fair: Winning a Conflict without Losing a Love
- High Conflict Couple
- Disagree and Stay in Love
- Let’s Have it Out
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