Christians can find comfort in the fact that their saved loved ones have gone to Heaven and will be seen again. However, grieving for a loved one whose salvation you aren’t sure of is much more painful. If you know, or even suspect, your loved one died unsaved, it can cause a plethora of emotions, such as sadness, guilt, doubt, and anger. There are, however, good ways to deal with these feelings.
Turn to God
God can handle our questions; indeed, He wants and expects them. He knows you’re going to ask why your loved one didn’t receive salvation, and He wants you to come to Him with that pain. Although you might never know the answer, you can take comfort in the fact that God loved the deceased even more than you did and was infinitely patient with him or her. There’s grace for us all—even and especially the unsaved. Ask God to show you where the grace is in this death. He may remind you of His absolute goodness and righteousness in judgment or His desire that no one should perish without Him.
Remember Your Own Eternity
In Revelation, God promises that when believers get to Heaven, He will eliminate all tears and pain from them. This means that although loved ones weren’t unsaved, we won’t fret for them in Heaven. This can be impossible or even horrible to comprehend because we live in a finite world. The human mind can only process so much, but ask God to help you try to find comfort in your own eternity. This may be a long process; don’t give up. Mourn as you need to, and seek godly counsel for help.